Hello.
This blog still exists.
I've been writing in two other places, Gwangju News and the English-language blog of the International Strategy Center. Community and political writing.
I've neglected the personal stuff because it's been changing so quickly and deeply that I'm still not sure how to put it into words. Just looking at the photos from one year ago compared to now, I see a different face and a different girl called sun.
The biggest and most lasting change that happened was something I enforced on myself: the 10-day silent meditation retreat called Vipassana, meaning awareness. I flew all the way out to Malaysia in August and even though I had a few lovely days of Couchsurfing and mingling with fellow meditators, I 'sacrificed' my 15 days of summer vacation for what Goenka called 'psychological surgery.'
At the time of going into the retreat, I was contemplating spending a long time at a temple or meditation center. Like, a year. It's been four years since I first moved abroad to France and life experiences have just built up. It was time for some serious clearing out.
It was supposed to make life easier, lighter. For a while, it did. Of course, the key is to continue keeping at meditation, every day. The other thing is, though, in some ways it's made current life harder, at least temporarily. Lots of things opened up, came up to the surface. Things I knew were there all along but was actively suppressing or simply ignoring. They're still bubbling on the surface, not having come out or been resolved.
So this year at school has been hard. I actually started out with quite a lot of good energy. My winter camp wasn't too bad. I took students out and we had some good interactions. It was exciting to see the new freshmen, to break through their shells with my wackiness and start to get to know them. Yet, something was off. Last year, I had come at the end of April so I missed the frantic start of a new school year. This March, I was right in the middle of it.
Last year, my supervising coteacher was right in the middle of getting ready to study abroad in the US, so he was kind of driving me batty for a while. Last-minute questions and long-winded conversations and yet spotty appearance in my classes or in the teacher's room when I needed him. Over time though, I got used to it and developed a good relationship with him as a mentor and confidante. We held the freshmen classes pretty well and I got a good foundation at the school.
To be continued...
At the time of going into the retreat, I was contemplating spending a long time at a temple or meditation center. Like, a year. It's been four years since I first moved abroad to France and life experiences have just built up. It was time for some serious clearing out.
It was supposed to make life easier, lighter. For a while, it did. Of course, the key is to continue keeping at meditation, every day. The other thing is, though, in some ways it's made current life harder, at least temporarily. Lots of things opened up, came up to the surface. Things I knew were there all along but was actively suppressing or simply ignoring. They're still bubbling on the surface, not having come out or been resolved.
So this year at school has been hard. I actually started out with quite a lot of good energy. My winter camp wasn't too bad. I took students out and we had some good interactions. It was exciting to see the new freshmen, to break through their shells with my wackiness and start to get to know them. Yet, something was off. Last year, I had come at the end of April so I missed the frantic start of a new school year. This March, I was right in the middle of it.
Last year, my supervising coteacher was right in the middle of getting ready to study abroad in the US, so he was kind of driving me batty for a while. Last-minute questions and long-winded conversations and yet spotty appearance in my classes or in the teacher's room when I needed him. Over time though, I got used to it and developed a good relationship with him as a mentor and confidante. We held the freshmen classes pretty well and I got a good foundation at the school.
To be continued...
